Thoughts of money

“’What have wealth or grandeur to do with happiness?’” [Marianne] ‘Grandeur has but little,’ said Elinor, ‘but wealth has much to do with it.’

‘Elinor, for shame!’ said Marianne; ‘money can only give happiness where there is nothing else to give it. Beyond a competence, it can afford no real satisfaction as far as mere self is concerned.’

‘Perhaps,’ said Elinor, smiling, ‘we may come to the same point. Your competence and my wealth are very much alike, I dare say; and without them, as the world goes now, we shall both agree that every kind of external comfort must be wanting. Your ideas are only more noble than mine. Come, what is your competence?’

‘About eighteen hundred or two thousand a year; not more than that.’ --Sense and Sensibility

I know, kind of a long Jane quote today. I was doing another budget trying to figure out how to make ends meet while on unemployment. Which, by the way, is stupid. I paid into this for years and now I can just pay the bills and that's not including the rent. I guess I need to be thankful that I get anything though.

It's an adjustment, living an independent life and then having the rug taken out from under you. Life hasn't yet turned out how I thought it would growing up. I thought the plan was for men to go to school to get a good job that he enjoys to support his perfect family and therefore find happiness. For women, it's go to school, get married, and watch over the man's perfect family in her perfect home and therefore find happiness. I don't really want to get into a discussion on gender roles, I'm just saying that's what I thought. So I went to school, I found a major I liked that I'd be able to continue to do in the home if need be, while caring for perfect children. It doesn't make any money, but that was ok.

That was apparently not the plan for me. I'm alone, I make no money, and I take care of myself. I am the primary source of income and that's why I live in the basement of my parent's home. I'm hoping life will turn out for the best while trying to figure out what I did wrong and what I should be doing now to move on.

So I'm in Elinor's camp, money can't buy happiness, but it would make me feel a little better.